This has been a terrible day, to say the least. Which started with the alarming call about Zoey. Amanda has had issues with her IVs, and we talked with them about a PICC line. This is the same line she had when we were administering IV antibiotics at home for the sternal infection earlier this year. She has had many of them. It has been increasingly hard for them to draw blood, too. The first IV they were able to draw blood from for a few days, then she had the CT, and a big push of contact blew it. Constant issues have ensued.
They even had to stick her 3 times to draw blood yesterday morning. I asked if she could get the PICC, and nobody knew the answer. Finally, they said yes, but with her upper chest venous reconstruction, it had to be done by interventional radiology (IR). By the time they said yes, it was too late, and all of IR was gone for the weekend.
Amanda is obviously emotional about Zoey but worries about needless things. She was like this when on high-dose steroids before. She worried about the logins for the food delivery apps and such. It just made tensions high, and I was getting frustrated. The steroids just make everything worse, except for her rejection. They should be making that better!
Amanda finally decided about lunch when I opened the hospital tray. I’d gotten coffee a little late, so she wasn’t too hungry. She knew she should eat before the PLEX treatment, which wasn’t until 3 today. I got her a Salata wrap right before I left to come home. There was only an hour or so gap between me leaving and Brittany arriving. Amanda had been a wreck, and it was probably good she had a little alone time, too.
I received a text that her new IV blew, and it was one they put in using an ultrasound. It happened during the PLEX treatment, but not the lines they use for that. The central line in her leg is only to be used for the PLEX treatment; they aren’t even allowed to draw blood from it. The IV blew while she was getting a dose of steroids, so she had a bubble of steroids under her skin. I so wish I was there with her through this.
Two hours later, and 6 to 8 sticks later, they still hadn’t gotten one in. This is when I wish I were there. I would have raised hell and told them no one touches her unless they can guarantee a stick, I’m not as big as I once was, but my height can still convey a pissed-off attitude well! Amanda will be too nice and just let them dig around. They called the anesthesiologist, who placed the central line. He used an ultrasound and got it in one stick and deep in her arm. He was confident it would last, but who knows? Brittany joked that it was like a video game and was the final boss the veins had to contend with!
I prayed, praised, cried, and thanked God on my way home. One song that came on was Joy in the Morning by Elevation Worship. The opening of the song goes like this: Everything happens for a reason But you don’t know what you don’t know And you’ll never have peace if you don’t let go of tomorrow ‘Cause it ain’t even faith ’til your plan falls apart But you still choose to follow If it doesn’t make sense right now It will when it’s over There will be joy in the morning There will be joy in the morning—words I needed to hear at that moment.
I was home by the time they got Amanda’s new IV in. I had called all the contacts listed in my favorites list, texted many people, made a social media post, stopped for gas, then for groceries for dinner, and still made it in just over 5 hours. As I was coming into town, I had a call from one of the praise team members, they needed help with something. So, I swung by the church before heading home.
I also came up with a crazy idea about ornaments. I plan on putting a tree up in our room, so I called a friend from church and asked if she would get a hold of a few from church to get ornaments. I told her I knew it was too late for anyone to go buy anything, but maybe some would have extra ornaments or just pull one off their tree! I was talking on the phone in front of the praise team member who called for help, and she said, “I know, just the ornament of my tree I’ll grab!” Our pastor often comes up with harebrained ideas like this, so I told them to just run with it as you would him, but I think we can pull this together!
I was home when I saw Zoey looking out the courtyard door. That soon faded when she met me at the front door. She was hacking up blood as I walked in. I stepped in, dropped my bag, and just sat on the floor with her for a while. Her breathing was labored, her heart rate high, hacking with any movement. I knew then what the decision was going to be. I didn’t want to make it on my own, so I texted our vet and told him all I knew. I already knew what he’d say, and I just needed to hear it. He called not long after and said it didn’t sound good. He said with her age I could take her in to find out what it was and spend all kinds of money just to have to put her down. He encouraged me that I was making the right decision. I knew all this, but I just needed to be told I was making the right choice.
Because of the drug control restrictions, he no longer euthanizes, so I’d have to take her to the vet. I called a friend who had contacted Amanda about their vet. They had a couple of leads, and I’m hoping I can get someone to the house tomorrow to take care of it. This whole situation is just sucks. I’m here alone, and Amanda won’t get to say goodbye.
I talked back and forth with Brittany, asking how Amanda was and if I could send a picture of the dogs. I was worried about FaceTiming Amanda because of Zoey’s breathing and the hacking. She said to send the picture but thought Amanda needed to say goodbye either way. Zoey eventually settled down, and I made the call. We spent about 20 tearful minutes on the phone, her saying goodbye.
Poor Tank doesn’t have a clue what is going on and is mad Zoey is getting all the attention. He was happy for me to cook a non-plant-based meal, though we shared a steak. Zoey never moved from where I sat down with her, not even to come get steak. Tank’s joyful self was walking all over her and standing directly overtop of her with his wiener right in her face! This is a typical Boxer thing. I’m not sure why they do it, but they love to stand over each other!
I’m just going to love on Zoey as much as I can tonight. Hopefully, I can get someone out here tomorrow.
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