Waiting for a Call

I was called to work early in the morning Monday. I went to get my grip, what railroaders call our bags, out of my Suburban, and the door wouldn’t unlock. I thought I had a repeat of what happened with the dead battery. This time I was going to work and not getting off, though. I called a few places, but with no luck in the dark hours of 3 am. When our Uber pulled up, I called the yard command center to let them know we’d be late. The manager on duty wasn’t forgiving and mentioned writing me up. I’d finally gotten a hold of a company that supposedly had a technician on the way, but I never received confirmation. After multiple calls with the same promise, I gave up and was about to go to the hotel’s weight room to grab a dumbbell, not to exercise but for window removal. I had already messed with my remote’s battery, thinking it was the issue, but to no avail. My engineer came out to see if his remote battery was the same; it wasn’t, but after I put my battery back in, it worked! Added stress I didn’t need; let’s just say my first stop once home was to get a new battery and a backup.

They switched Amanda to a bolus of Bumex, rather than a steady drip, as before. The doctor who started was sweet, Amanda said. She’d told me Dr. Sacks mentioned he was a big teddy bear. He has a name that had Amanda laughing, no nickname needed: Dr. Schmeckpeper. He wanted to maintain the status quo and just see how she did this week. After a while, Amanda wasn’t peeing too much, so she had them notify the team, not sure the bolus was going to cut it.

Tuesday, I thought I would be called earlier in the morning, but it ended up getting pushed, and I waited. When I woke and called Amanda, she asked what I was doing. I said I was waiting for a call, that I didn’t know when would come in. She said, “Yeah, I know the feeling!” I got ready early to head to work since it takes a little longer to make the drive with traffic. I needed to pick something up at the church, so I ran by there. As is typical, I stepped into a staff meeting, we just weren’t at StarBs, and Amanda was missing. We all chatted for a bit and took care of some business.

Although I may not be as involved in the church as I once was, I remain as involved as possible, assisting with various ministries throughout the church. I miss youth ministry terribly, and it was a hard decision to step away from it. Before Amanda’s transplant, I had to step way back and focus on ourselves, though. I took the youth ministry seriously, and it wasn’t just a one-night-a-week thing for me. If you do it right, you need to be involved in the kids’ lives more than that. We were always attending various school events and hosting an array of events for our youth group, as well as having multiple meetings a week. This took me away from work a lot, though. So, I took a more steady schedule to be able to do it, but ultimately, it hurt us financially. We were ok with that, but when Amanda’s health declined, I needed to be off work even more; that put to much of a strain on us. I needed to focus on caring for her; that took priority. I have felt called to the ministry for a while, but have learned there is a distinction between being called and being sent. I had to sit back and realize that my ministry was supporting Amanda’s ministry. That was hard for me at first, but now realize and know God has us where He wants us and needs us, right here and now. Who knows what he’ll have in store for us in the future!

Amanda called while I was still at the church. I could tell she wasn’t feeling well. She had just gotten out of the shower and was pooped. It doesn’t take much to wipe her out. Later in the day, they added another bolus of Bumex to the mix. It’s just going to be a fine-tuning process. I ran home to take care of a few things before I left and was called earlier than expected, so I hopped in the car and took off. I went my new way to avoid traffic, but it took a little longer. It’s a good way to shave time off in rush hour, but when I’m crunched for time and it’s not rush hour, it may not be the best route. I showed up to work about 10 minutes late, which is the norm for most, so I just fit in with the crowd!

Amanda had another bad episode of pain. They gave her some pain meds, but it dropped her blood pressure. After the episode, they increased her dopamine and restarted the Bumex drip. They are finding out that the on-and-off Bumex bolus is causing issues, and she needs a steady supply of the medication. There was talk of a balloon pump again. Amanda questioned the high heart rate that Dr. Sacks had decided wasn’t a good idea with the pump. They planned to speak with the surgeons, but the thinking was that they could have more control over medications with the balloon pump. With a pump, they could give her more meds to lower her rate, which always drops her BP, but with the pump, it would maintain her BP. I would have shotgunned them with questions about the balloon pump if I were there! My biggest question is, where is the access? When she had it before, it was through the leg, but I can’t imagine they’d want her bedbound. Maybe neck or abdominal access would be an option to keep her mobile. The balloon pump machine she had in the recovery was huge. It’s always a scary sight right after big surgeries, not for the faint of heart to see. I have become accustomed to seeing her in such a state after so many surgeries, but that machine scared me. I can hold it together pretty well in the critical care recovery ICUs, but to be honest, after leaving her side, I’ve had a few cry sessions in the nearest bathroom a few times. I’m pretty sure the balloon pump setup that I’m thinking of from the recovery room isn’t the same one they are speaking about for her now, but I have that one ingrained in my mind.

The team mentioned that a balloon pump would come with a status upgrade on the list. They were going to see how things progressed and then move forward from there. I was on a train when Amanda was telling me all of this, and when I got off the phone, I told my engineer, “50/50 whether or not I’m coming back with you, I may need to hop on a plane.” This is why I stay on this side so that I can be close to an airport. It seems that even though the MRI didn’t conclusively show the restriction, they are seeing it in how her body is reacting to things. A balloon pump is less invasive than ECMO and less scary, but still concerning nonetheless. With a bump on the list, it can be doable. As my mama always said, you can beat a bear with a stick for a little while.