Well, we had another false start. I’ve been busy since I left Tennessee, work has been a bit crazy, and I’ve just been worn out and not wanting to make a post. Let me catch you up, and then I’ll get into the round two kidney call.
Amanda has been pretty tired after the dialysis training sessions. They are long, around 5 hours and 4 days a week. She was tired the entire time I was in Nashville with her and still seems pretty worn out. That makes two of us, I’m just into doing dialysis! I think it will make things easier on Amanda when she starts dialysis at home, though.
Tank had been having some issues, and I was just going to take him upon my quick return at the beginning of the month. Since the dialysis training was more involved than we had thought, my return got pushed back. With the false-start call, since I was back for a bit, I took him to the vet, so Amanda wouldn’t have to mess with it. He ended up just needing a shot for allergies. Most of the appointment was the vet trying to sell us different kinds of allergy medications, most of which were a couple of hundred dollars a month! We have enough medical expenses, not to add that to this list, so we just opted for the cheap steroid shot I originally asked for!
After Amanda’s dialysis session on Friday, I ran to my barber. He was sweet; he already knew of the false start and had seen it on our Instagram page. He had a ton of hot towels ready to give me a shave and all. He knew we’d just had a rough go of it. I was his last appointment, so he took his time getting my beard and hair all shaped up. Amanda and I had planned to go out to eat, but she was feeling pretty rough after dialysis, so we just opted to grab some Chinese takeout on the way home.
Saturday, Amanda was still tired, but it was our only day off since I was flying out after church on Sunday. So, she wanted to do something. We went to a Farmers Market in Franklin that we frequent, then made a Costco run for some things for Amanda to make quick breakfasts on the run. Parking at the market was bad enough, but someone please remind this country boy not to go to Costco on a Saturday. I get mad enough driving, but that parking lot was murder. I ended up jumping all over a guy in a BMW, who was cutting through the handicap van accessible lanes. He nearly ran me over, and a car that was backing out of the adjacent parking spot. I saw him speeding, though, and made sure to swing my buggy out in right out in front of him, so he’d stop and not hit the car backing up. I said a few words and threw my hands at him. I was proud of myself; I did not use my middle finger nor any profanity, I saved that for when I was back in the car! He was still sitting in the same spot when I was walking back to the car after returning my buggy. I thought it might be suburban ready-to-rumble time, but I guess the look on my face showed the choice words I’d held in, so he sped off quickly!
We made it to one of our favorite chiropractors across town after that. She was pretty busy, and we had to wait a bit to get in to see her. Both of us were a wreck since neither of us had seen a chiro since before we left for Texas. I told her I had many thousands of miles of driving on my back since I’d last been adjusted. Not to mention all the railroad miles and carpentry work I’d done on the house, she had her work cut out for her between the two of us. After that, we went to Harbor Freight to grab a tool cart. Amanda needed something to keep all her dialysis supplies in, and a tool cart had a large drawer and could handle the weight of all the bags of dialysate and supplies she needed for a week, so she wouldn’t have to reload it every session. There was a great deal on them, and I’m a member, so I got an even better deal on the one we picked out. I had reservations for dinner, but we thought it best to go out to lunch after church at a restaurant near the airport before I flew out.
Everyone at church knew what had happened. So many people gave us their, well, sympathy, I guess, they knew it was a tough few days for us. They really have become family at that church. I’m so glad we found them and landed in a spot with such great, godly people. The choice spot we wanted to go for lunch wasn’t open, so we just opted not to get lunch out. I’m going to owe Amanda a night out now! While we waited to leave, I went ahead and booked a cheap flight for my next trip, just picking dates blindly in hopes they would line up with when Amanda would start the at-home dialysis. It was worth the shot in the dark with my return flight for that trip being a $99 redeye with a 1 am arrival in Austin, which I’ll follow with a 3-hour drive home.
The goodbye wasn’t as tearful as I’d expected, probably because Amanda was more focused on getting out of the busy airport terminal! Once home, there was no rest for the weary. I was quickly back at work, and I’ve been plagued by long flip-back trips, working 12- to 16-hour shifts. I had little time off, and what I’ve had at home I spent resting. I was physically and mentally exhausted. The toll of the false start was pretty rough, followed by long days at work. I still don’t think I’ve caught up on rest yet. Amanda is about the same with her dialysis schedule, having to cart herself around everywhere, cook, and everything else that comes with staying by herself.
My flight dates didn’t quite work out, but it only cost about $50 more for the round trip to align with Amanda’s schedule once we had firm dates of her starting home dialysis. That total round trip was only the price of a last-minute one-way that I’d just purchased. It pays to plan ahead, but try to tell that to the kidney team coordinator! Once I’d reargued things, I texted Amanda that I had adjusted my flight, had lined up a personal day, and had made dinner reservations for my return. I fly up this coming Saturday and back the following Thursday. I’m just hoping things with work line up right; if not, I may have to drive up and back. You just never know, the life of a railroader, I guess.
This brings me to yesterday and round two of false starts. I was at work and just so happened to have cell service in Sanderson, a small, dried-up, old west Texas railroad town, when Amanda called. I knew it was an emergency; she never calls me at work. We aren’t supposed even to have our phones on, much less out. I do sneakily keep my Apple Watch on, though. So when I saw her call, I knew what was up and told the engineer to stop. That way, I could talk to Amanda, and I had my engineer call the dispatcher on his phone so I could tell him I had an emergency and we needed green lights home. He obliged, and we made it into Del Rio in under 3 hours.
After I told the dispatcher the news while talking to Amanda, then told my engineer to take off, as I stepped into the nose of the locomotive where the cameras couldn’t see me on the phone to get the details. There were two potential donors, and Amanda was the top choice for both. So the surgeon could pick the best. They were cardiac deaths, so there was a time crunch for their viability once life support was taken away. So if the donor didn’t die in a certain time frame, the kidneys wouldn’t have been suitable. They were holding off on having Amanda come in after the last dry run and told her they would know later that night if it was a go. Since she was close by, they said she could wait at home, but would need to be at the hospital within an hour of the next call. One of the donor kidneys scored better than the other but had antibodies for Hepatitis C, which meant it didn’t actively have the virus but had been exposed to it. We had already decided to let the team make that call, but the coordinator said they likely wouldn’t even have to treat for it if they chose that kidney. We just wanted a healthy one that would last.
I ran out of service quickly, but when it came back, I was back in the nose of the locomotive checking flights. There weren’t any flights I could catch that night. If it had been an hour earlier, I probably could have squeezed in to one, but who knows with the TSA issue right now. The first out the next morning didn’t arrive till around 9 am, so I opted to drive it and planned to get home, pack a bag, and roll out.
I have been keeping my Suburban full of gas just in case of something like this, but I wanted to top off and check the oil. She is old, nearing the 300,000-mile mark, so she uses a little oil. As I filled up on gas, I topped off the oil. I spilled a little, and it smoked as it hit the manifold. No big deal, I was in too much of a rush to use a funnel, I’ve spilled a little many times before. I needed to add a little more, and then proceeded to spill a little more oil, which caught fire. I grabbed the windshield squeegee and dabbed a little water off of it. That wasn’t enough, so I quickly got a bottle of water out of my console to put it out. The flames were now above the engine by then! The whole time I was thinking, why did I drop the insurance coverage to just liability, so please don’t burn down! The eyes of the teenage girl filing up next to me were wide open. I checked that it was out and that no wires were burnt, and drove off with it still smoking, to the girl’s astonishment! Not a good start to a 1100-mile all-night trip!
I was hammer down and making good time. The wind was terrible, and I was really having a hard time driving. A mandatory two-hand kind of driving, especially when I turned onto the toll road to avoid Austin. The speed on that road is 85 MPH, plus a 25-30 MPH headwind, which was brutal. I’d already checked the weather and knew I needed to get about halfway through Texas before I’d be behind the storm. I was not looking forward to the rest of the drive, that was for sure. Amanda called, and the first thing she said was, “Turn around.” The biopsy came back bad on both of the kidneys. What are the chances of them both being bad, I thought. I didn’t waste any time and caught the next exit. I just wasn’t far enough to justify continuing. Amanda was devastated, I think, from the whole ordeal, and that I wasn’t going to make it up.
It’s a gut punch, but the last round hardened me a bit. Not to say I’m not emotionally and physically exhausted, but we’re going to get the perfect kidney, or the Lord is just biding time to wake hers up. That’s what I’m believing. Either way, we’re going to make it through. The next call after the “call” is to activate our prayer warriors, who activate theirs, and so on. So there was a growing number of people praying. Maybe there was some reason we’ll never know why neither of these kidneys was the right fit. Who knows, maybe there is a connection with a specific donor family we are to make with the kidney Amanda will eventually receive. I could go on and on with scenarios of why God is holding off on healing Amanda, whether that be via the miracle of waking them up or via a transplant. We’re seeing a very small piece of the big picture. If we really are praying for God’s will to be done, that tends to be a bit different than ours. I’ve noticed that quite a bit in my walk with the Lord.
In my personal bible study last week, I landed on a verse in 2 Corinthians, 4:16-18. It says Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. This is where I’m at right now: I’m trying to fix my eyes so far down the road that I can’t see what we’re standing in right now. I have to because a year and a half ago, we entered the toughest period of our lives, and we’re still there, and I refuse to think this is it. Some prophetic words were spoken over Amanda and me about our situation. That God needed us to go through all of this to prepare us for what He has in store. I believed those words, and I am focusing on the promises that lie ahead.
I took a different route home. I need more food options, so I made my way back down the dreaded I35. I regretted it as soon as I got off the toll road, too. I’d only eaten some peanuts around 3 pm, and it was now after 9, and three hours into my drive. There was a Buc-ee’s on my rerouted way home, so I hit it up for some fuel and sweets. I decided to grab a burger from a plant-based place on the route once in San Antonio. Amanda wasn’t up for talking much; she was still processing. I finally hit her with the car-on-fire story to lighten the mood. She already didn’t like that I was driving, so I wasn’t about to lay that story on her as I left!
After I finished my burger, a song came on that I had not heard, Worthy Of My Song. It was good, and I really believed the lyrics. There was one particular part that stuck with me and just hit close to home, resonating with me deeply:
When I sat by that hospital bed, You were worthy
And she could barely lift her head, You were worthy
After all those tears were shed, You were worthy
I’ll never stop singing Your praise
I’d sent the song to Amanda and asked if she’d heard it. She is always up on new worship songs and knows that stuff better than I do. I called her later on, and she was crying. She had just listened to the song. We just sat in silence for a while. She was ready for bed, and I still had an hour and a half left to make it home. When we got off the phone, I just listened to that song on repeat for a while and had my own cry session. I know we’re going to make it through all of this, and no matter what happens, He is worthy of it all.
We’re counting these two offers as one. So, you know what that means: third time’s a charm! If the Lord doesn’t wake them up beforehand, that is. If it were to happen sooner than later, I will be there for six days next week. Just saying!
Leave a Reply