Million Little Miracles

I was pretty tired and got some decent sleep Friday night. I slept like a rock all the way through the recliner theft and even shift change. Even with all the sleep, I still put my hoodie on backwards after I had a shower. The nurse looked up and said, “Barkley, you have your hoodie on backwards!” We both started dying laughing! In my defense, I thought the hood was just my beard messed up from sliding it on! I left to run to the car to grab some more shirts I had stashed there. As I left for the car, the nurse was still laughing at me. It was a bit like yesterday. I was in the car and all the bank-houred coffee stops were closed for the weekend, so I just made a quick run to StarBs. I figured I could use the extra boost. When I got back to the garage, I found myself behind a Jeep that was doing 2 MPH and oddly stopping at every turn. I thought they had the thing in 4 Lo or something, I bet they had the dumb ducks on their dash! The first few levels are always full, so I had to endure the slow drive up to find a spot.

When I got back to the room, the team was just finishing up rounds; they’d started earlier than usual. If the Jeep driver had been around, I would’ve had some choice words for them for making me miss rounds. The nurse filled me in; they wanted her up and walking today, keep the Amio going, and start back dopamine to help with the slowed output. A biopsy was also scheduled for Monday. I was still mad that I missed rounds. I thought I had their schedule figured out. I was likely asleep for the prerounds. 

Amanda was much more awake today, which meant more pain. She will probably kill me for writing this, but I feel compelled to share this. She had a bowel movement, and the nurse and care partner came in to clean her. She was in the chair and rolled on her side toward me. She was hurting, and her arm flopped over and hung. So, I went over to hold her arm up. The song that came on was Million Little Miracles by Elevation Worship and Maverick City Music. The song starts with, ‘All my life, I’ve been carried by grace. Don’t ask me how ’cause I can’t explain. It’s nothing short of a miracle I’m here.’ I knew the song well, and I just began to hold back tears. Yes, a heart transplant is a miracle, at this moment a bowel movement was a miracle, and an answered prayer. Recovering from a big surgery like this is full of little miracles. We’re making it through one little miracle at a time right now.

‘You healed my body, Jesus. Oh, I can’t even count ’em all. I try and I can’t keep up. ’Cause every day there’s a new miracle. I got breath in my lungs (I can’t even, I can’t even count ’em all)’

The nurse we had was great, the best of the ICU nurses yet. I guess we bonded over the backwards hoodie, she shared backward pants day she’d had to make me feel better! I was looking at an email from the apartment that said I needed to pay the balance due and sign the lease. I hadn’t even received the lease yet or a returned phone call, and today is the move-in day. Frustrated, I chatted with her about it. She asked ‘furnished apartment I said no and explained how we had a temporary apartment in Houston and how we had friends move everything out, and two trailers with different friends were waiting to move us up here. She said driving, and I answered yes. She almost teared up, saying y’all have such a great support system! I exclaimed yes, and explain how we great support system, and a wonderful church family. I mentioned how one couple we’ve only known for a short time had helped move us in and out of the other apartment, and it could only be God putting everyone around us all over the county for support. God has provided so much for us, it’s overwhelming. I was tearing up as I told her all that God had done for us. We talked a little more, and when I mentioned that Amanda and I were high school sweethearts, she said oh no, shaking her hands in the air really tearing up! Later on, she said, “I’m really glad I met y’all!”

PT and OT came by when the nurse was still doing a few things, and she told them one more room and we’d be ready. I told Amanda ‘Get a nap, cause they are coming for you next!’ She was far more awake than the last time they came in. The PT asked the nurse if she thought Amanda would be able to go to the hall. She said she wasn’t sure. He said, ‘Why don’t we leave her hooked up and walk to the window and back instead?’ I concurred that it was a good idea. I’d questioned a hall walk in my mind. Amanda was able to get up on her own, but only a few steps in; she was in pain. I could tell from her face only that it was bad; she was crying out in agony with each step. It is needed, I understand, but it almost seems like torture without pain medication. She walked about eight steps, then backed up the same, sat down, and rested. They let her rest for a bit, asking her questions. The nurse looked at me and said, ‘She’s done with us!’ She was! OT asked about her hair and brushing it. I had already brushed it earlier when she was holding her head up on her own. She shook her head yes, but he wanted her to do it herself, so she wasn’t so excited. She was ready with all the paise hand lifting PT she’d already done! I got her brush, and she did well, even brushing way around the back on her own, with prompting. After that, they did one more round of walking, she made a few extra steps than the previous one. The pain was less on round two, as well.

The nurse was sweet, knowing she was in pain, she told Amanda she was going to ask the PA if she’d put something in for pain. There were premeds for the IVIG, Benadryl and steroids. They didn’t knock her out as badly, but still enough for the nurse not to want to give the pain meds just then. Her CVP, central venous pressure, reading has been all over the place. They thought it was the line they were reading from, since different medications were running through it. A doctor came in to get an echo to see if they could figure things out, since with Amanda’s SVC, the vein that drops blood from the upper extremities to the heart, was extensively reconstructed in the first transplant. That reconstruction may also cause erratic CVP numbers. The echo ended up being undefinable for CVP. The IVC, the opposite of the SCV, returning blood from the lower body, was hard to see, and some of it may have been reconstructed during this transplant. They want to see if she is fluid overloaded to keep the diuresing, to get more fluid off. The doctor wanted to review her previous echos to make sure he was lined up correctly with his images and confirm he was actually looking at what he thought was her IVC. He was going to come back later to get a couple of the chest tubes out to help with pain.

The respiratory therapist came by to swap out the oxygen delivery that Amanda was on. She had been on the Optiflow, which is a nasal high-flow therapy. It’s much larger than the typical nasal cannula you typically see. She had been on it since extubation and was now on the lowest setting, and her oxygen saturation was in the high 90s. So, it was time to come off the Optiflow. The RT was sweet, and I was telling her how I needed a facial recognition of Amanda for ID verification for the apartment the day before. I took her large cannula off and had to keep telling her to keep you eyes open as I took a long selfie. It wasn’t just a quick picture but a 3D facial construction. I assume it’s to prevent someone from using a picture to fake things, even though I faked Amanda’s signature! 

Don’t worry about me eating. After Bev brought me food, I just became increasingly hungry! It was about two or so before I went to the cafeteria to get a veggie sushi roll and an egg roll. I’m just glad this cafeteria has a few options for us. The NP finally ordered some pain meds for Amanda. It was PO, oral, and was the same strength as her home dose. It did make her sleepy, but she’d had a big day too. The pain meds did help with her respiratory rate; she was able to breathe a little better, but still not deeply. Her rate had settled down to 100, paced.

The PA or NP, I can’t figure out who’s who, came by to take two of the chest tubes out. The big ones were the ones coming out in hopes it’d help with pain. It took a bit to get things ready to do that. She was mad that they didn’t let her pull all of the tubes. Mentioning that patients usually would rather wait and do them all at the same time, instead of pulling all the tape and then putting it back on, just to pull it off the next day. When she finished, I jokingly told her they had called and wanted the other tubes out. She didn’t find it as funny as the nurse and I did, saying ‘no comment!’

Beverly came by to see Amanda again. She was leaving for about 10 days to go on a trip with the family and wanted to see Amanda one more time. She felt bad leaving, saying that she was our only people in Nashville. God is starting to grow our Nashville support system, though. Amanda was sleepy while she was here. As we talked, Amanda would wake up here and there. When Bev left, Amanda was pretty sleepy, so I hitched a ride to Hopdoddy for a beer and planned to get some dumplings for dinner at a place on the way back. 

The singer/songwriter I met at the hotel open mic was bartending again. It wasn’t too busy, especially for a Saturday night, so I got to chat with him a bit. After talking, he asked where I was staying, and I told him at the hospital. Then he said, ‘I feel like I know you after being around you a few times now, and feel comfortable with you. I have a nice cot, and you’re more than welcome to stay at my place if you need to.’ God really is just placing more and more people around us for support. I ended up having a couple of beers, and as I was about to leave, I decided to stay and try their new burger of the month. It was called the Sticky Belly: house-roasted pork belly and thin beef patty topped with an omelette, red chili paste, sweet mayo, and teriyaki sauce. I added habaneros for a little kick. I’m super plant based strict right now!

A total God thing happened at that burger joint bar next. The bartender and I were talking about our apartment and whatnot. There was a guy next to me at the bar with his friend. We ended up talking, I shared our story, and it really touched him. He quickly asked if I had a Venmo or Cash App, and I was shocked. I had barely talked to him. A total stranger ended up sending us a substantial amount! He’s an interior designer and is ready to come help decorate our apartment. He said he had plenty of people who would donate furniture for us, too. He was so genuine; later in the evening, he texted and said he was reading our website, and to be sure to reach out if I needed anything. I hope Amanda likes his decorating, because I’m seriously calling him once our stuff arrives later next week! He was talking about his gigantic closet and all the shoes he had, so I’m not sure if I should let Amanda loose with him on a shopping trip, though! I shared our website with them, and they both pulled it up and were checking it as they got ready to leave. We exchanged numbers and big hugs as they left. The bartender even took care of my entire tab!

If that’s not a God story, I don’t know what is. I was in tears walking back to the hospital! I was praising God the whole walk back, just in awe. He has just lined up so many people in our lives to help, including a gay interior designer and an aspiring singer/songwriter! I’m so overwhelmed with the gratitude we continue to receive from everywhere. One little miracle at a time!