The Power of Music and a Worship Session

Yesterday, they held all pain medication except a one-time dose of a muscle relaxer and lidocaine patches on either side of her chest incision. They wouldn’t give her any pain meds because of her lethargy, which was scary. From totally unresponsive, to awake and not speaking, to awake, eyes wide open, and unresponsive. Honestly, it was a little scary, and I became concerned as the evening shift change approached. It was just unnerving. If you’ve never experienced a loved one in a state like that, it’s a rough, helpless feeling. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

The night nurse was a guy, the first of our CVICU stay. Call me sexist, but I’m not a fan of most male nurses. It’s not that they see Amanda uncovered and things like that, but most, not all, tend to be less attentive or caring. Unless they are gay, then they’re over-caring! But seriously, this guy did a good job, but I think he could have been a little more caring. He did help hold her head up while I was trying to brush her hair out now. Having had long hair before, I know how to brush now; there was a time I had no clue! Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women nurses who aren’t caring too, they just don’t have a deep voice to associate with!

The PLEX nurse came in during the shift change and immediately said, ‘I like your music.’ I had worship music playing on the TV via our Firestick. Earlier in the day, was when I noticed Amanda raising her hands and flailing them around, finally figuring out she was worshiping and raising her hands! After that, I had a hardcore cry session. Not middle school girl church camp crying, but close, probably more middle school boy trying to hide it! I put good use to a box of HEB Texas-themed tissues someone had sent Amanda in a care package! Heck, I’m crying now recounting it!

Later, while the PLEX was running, I stepped out. Two nurses were in there, one, the PLEX nurse, wasn’t leaving. They don’t even get a potty break, I guess! So, I ran to the Mapco, a Tennessee gas station chain, to pick up an Amazon delivery. I grabbed my backpack and told the nurse to call me if anything changed. He asked if I was coming back tonight. I told him I’m coming back in 10 minutes! I hadn’t left the room since the previous shift change, over 13 hours prior, to get coffee. I told him I had to go to the Amazon locker to pick up some underwear, and he said, ‘Well, you do need those!’ I had an order of over $100 of underwear, sleepwear, and undershirts. Those things are expensive, but wash and fold is even higher for a small amount. I’ve got enough to last two weeks without washing. Combining that with my underwear debacle purchase back in January (all of which were left in Texas), plus the wash and fold costs, I don’t even want to think about how much I’ve spent on undergarments this year! I unbagged all that came to get them to fit in my backpack, grabbed a Liquid Death, my favorite sparkling water, from the Mapco, and headed back.

Amanda was in and out, but I came back to her still worshiping along with the PLEX nurse. The nurse finally realized what she was doing, too. It was hard to notice at first because her arms were too weak to hold up and would fall. As time went on, she gained strength and was able to keep them up for longer periods. The nurse, with a big smile, asked ‘Ms Simmons, do you like this song? Are you praising?’ Amanda, not being able to speak yet, had a big nod of a yes from her. I was right all along, I knew my girl. Not too long after, she finally spoke words and didn’t just mouth them. It took a couple of prompts to get her to speak up for my hard-of-hearing ears, but I finally understood. She was saying, ‘Hold my hand.’ As if I hadn’t been holding her hand earlier in the day! We got into trouble later on for our worship music being too loud at night, the devil and his schemes! The nurse watching Amanda with her hands raised said, “That’s a girl who’s expecting her healing.” I told her because she’s seen Him do it before, and we’ll see Him do it again.

There was a particular song, That’s My King, by CeCe Winans playing. Amanda was really getting into it. Both hands raised, head moving back and forth, eyes closed, and trying to mouth the words a bit. She had the best groove of anyone who had been off a vent earlier that day. I texted YJ and said, “Your girl is getting it, looks like she might think she’s praising in a black church. Maybe she got a sister’s heart!”

As the PLEX nurse was rapping up, she was singing along with a song. Our nurse, who was giving Amanda some meds, asked, Did you put this on? It seemed he didn’t know the music, and he assumed she put it on since she was singing along. He was confused about Amandas hands a couple of times when they were up. He didn’t expect to go to Church and get a little Jesus on him when he came to work, I guess! “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

I stayed up to wait for the team to do evening rounds, but only made the PAs and NP’s pre-rounds. I was tired and had a rough day with little to no sleep. It didn’t even feel like all of that chaos of a rollercoaster ride was in one day. It feels like that was days ago. From a 1 am abrupt wake-up with the crash cart crashing through our doors to back up with little to no sleep. Then what ensued was the roughest hospital rollercoaster of a day I’ve ever had in my life, and I’ve had a lot of hospital days!